May 31, 2006

A Bug’s Life

Filed under: @ 9:31 pm

Our family recently took an extended Memorial Day weekend and finally got to have a long overdue visit with several relatives. We left Atlanta on Friday afternoon, and first drove to Fairhope (near Mobile, AL) to visit with my husband’s family. While we were there, my mother-in-law cooked the entire time – we ate sausage and biscuits, homemade blueberry muffins, cheesegrits, etc. for breakfasts, and had smoked pork roast, fresh silver queen corn, baked beans and much more for dinners.

We left my in-laws on Monday morning and headed east on I-10 to my grandparent’s house near Pensacola, FL. When we arrived at lunch, my grandmother had prepared her homemade chicken tenders plus an assortment of salads and chocolate oatmeal drop cookies. While at my grandparents, we also got to see my Aunt Liz and Uncle Dave.

After leaving my grandparents’ house late that afternoon, we headed to my brother’s house in Enterprise, AL for an overnight visit. When we arrived at his house, he had prepared a beef roast with potatoes, carrots, onions and greenbeans, plus chocolate pudding pound cake for dessert.

Are you seeing a pattern here? In case you haven’t seen the movie A Bug’s Life, the basic premise is that a colony of ants is being tortured by grasshoppers. The ants have to gather the winter food for the grasshoppers, but once the grasshoppers eat the feast, they leave the ants alone for the remainder of the winter. So, the ants’ mantra is “They come, they eat, they leave. They come, they eat, they leave.”

Sounds a lot like the Campbell family – we come, we eat, we leave. We felt like a swarm of locusts, leaving destruction (or at least corn cobs) in our wake. In the words of my Aunt, as we were leaving my grandparents’, “Swarm on!”

We have finally swarmed full circle back to Atlanta and reality. The reality of trying to lose the 10 pounds we each gained on vacation. :?

May 23, 2006

Mathematically Proven

Filed under: @ 10:12 pm

One of my fellow PTA cohorts sent this to me – thought it was too good to pass up and needed to be shared with the world. (Or at least my little Internet corner of it anyway).

Here is something we’ve long theorized, but now has been mathematically proven:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions…

If the alphabet is represented as:

A = 1, B = 2, C = 3, and so on, until Z = 26

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+ 23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I -T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far butt kissing will take you.

B-U-T-T-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
2+21+20+20+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 140%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Butt kissing that will put you over the top.

May 15, 2006

Self-Proclaimed Webologist

Filed under: @ 5:50 pm

I recently saw a re-run of a television show on the Discovery Channel which reminded me of the original idea to use this domain name for a blog. About a year ago, my husband Dougal and I saw an ad for a tv show that looked pretty interesting – Dive to Bermuda Triangle – a show discussing scientific phenomena which would explain the odd occurrences in the Bermuda Triangle.

We tuned in, interested to hear some scientific theories, as opposed to the usual mystical explanations regarding the Bermuda Triangle. The show began well – discussing a prominent theory that large gas bubbles released from submerged rock formations could be responsible for sinking ships as well as interfering with aircraft controls. They even showed several experiments in which the release of these large gas bubbles did indeed cause ships to sway violently, and eventually ended up causing them to capsize.

Up to this point, the show seemed to maintain it’s scientific integrity; however, did I fail to mention that these large gas bubbles were methane gas? The fact that these “killer” (yes, “killer”) gas bubbles were methane was already causing a minor amounty of hilarity, but then, about half-way through the discussion of this gas-bubble theory, a new “scientific expert” was introduced to the program. A geologist? An oceanographer? No indeedy – a “Self-Proclaimed Bubbleologist”! Dougal and I looked at each other, as if to silently say, “Did he really say he was a Bubbleologist?”

After a great deal of snorking and several “Don Ho” jokes later, I informed my husband that *I* am a Self-Proclaimed Webologist! Then, going back to the gas bubble theory, I asked him something like, “So, if a bunch of submariners all farted at once, could they sink an enemy ship?” His immediate reply was, “You need a blog.” Hence the emergence of one Self-Proclaimed Webologist and digitaldivas.net.